I wish I could teleport
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
