What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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