Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
