Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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