His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
