you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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