There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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