3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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