Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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