I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
