I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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