i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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