I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
