The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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