i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize