Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
