Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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