I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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