So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize