I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All I want is dick and wine.
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