dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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