I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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