I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
