I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize