Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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