You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
honey bunches of taint.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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