apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
