The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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