You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
