We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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