my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
