What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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