before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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