i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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