ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
