Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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