So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
