So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize