If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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