Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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