So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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