There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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