ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
