WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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