life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
