I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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