she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
