Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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