hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
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