What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
