so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Gay?
German.
Pity.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
