bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
