$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
