Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
