did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
