You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
