so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
