Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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