I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
