So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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