You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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