I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
