I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so let's talk penis.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
