ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
