He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
