I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
