Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
