I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We had sex on a dog bed..
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
