I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
