ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
