I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
