I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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