last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
