covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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