i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
