You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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