plz talk dirty to me
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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