My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
