There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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