It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
