I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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