Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
