We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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