He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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