Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
