He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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