i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
