I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
