and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
