he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
