So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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