a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
