since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
