mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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