we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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