just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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