Your face is a jimmy john
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
