In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
