you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
