i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
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