Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
