If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
