Buhtt sex?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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