she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
